The poet Kevin Higgins has been suspended from the party for writing this satirical poem about the Blairs.
We Are Delighted To Announce
for Tony Greenstein
The first execution of a man convicted
of using inappropriate language – far too many
exclamation marks and block capitals – to tell
what we realise is ninety nine per cent the truth,
has been successfully carried out.
And it was surprisingly clean.
Bloodless as an office team building session held
in an hotel specially built to mop up the overspill
from the booming funeral parlour next door.
The screeching was confined to
a few pseudonymous moderates
post-coitally whispering the hope
that this legally implemented death
not be the last of its kind.
We must be sure and include
our least favourite black woman, the Irish,
and, at a minimum, one more Hebrew
in the commonsense cleansing we envisage.